Joe and Jill Biden, humping First Couple

Joe and Jill ran up a hill. Joe couldn’t find her crown so he nutted his pants.

Sorry, I’m no Andrew Dice Clay but I try.

The latest Biden gush piece appears in Vogue magazine and proves that the key to sanctification and disproportionate respect in Washington is simply to stick around long enough.  Any virtue piece about Joe Biden must include Jill because they are a single smoldering unit of goodfeels.  They are old American political institutional dusty fixtures, like old statues that the Left has not toppled, yet.

The couple of the year!

Joe and Jill
How Joe makes her feel 10 again

The intro paragraphs are as smart and sensible as Dr. Biden herself.

When Jill Biden visits community colleges, which is a lot these days, she is received in highly choreographed settings by a governor, say, or members of the public as the nation’s first lady. But to administrators and teachers, she is Dr. Jill Biden, college professor. At Sauk Valley Community College in Illinois, there were pink and white flowers set out everywhere, befitting her visit; they even matched her white dress and pink jacket. But there was also a “Welcome Dr. Biden” sign so huge that the period on the Dr. was as big as her head. It felt like a subtle rebuke to that scolding she was subjected to back in December for using the title she has every right to.

Indeed, in all the places she goes lately she is honored as a woman with several degrees who has worked really hard her whole life at the most relatable job there is. Everyone has a favorite teacher, after all. On her visit to the Navajo Nation in April, Dr. Biden was introduced by someone I came to think of as the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of Indian Country: chief justice of the Navajo Nation Supreme Court JoAnn Jayne, a tiny woman with hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, wearing Doc Martens: “Dr. Biden, millions reap inspiration from your quote ‘Teaching isn’t just what I do; it is who I am.’ ” In Birmingham, Alabama, she was introduced by a lawyer, Liz Huntley, a sexual-abuse survivor whose parents were drug dealers. “I want to thank Dr. Biden from the bottom of my heart for the role that she plays not just as the first lady…but for her heart for educating. She told me she’s grading papers on the plane, y’all! What? Who does that?! You know, they say being an educator is a calling…in your life that you can’t resist, and she just won’t let it go.”

Any article presuming to ooze celebratory First Lady power would not be complete without a good dose of sloppy googly-eyed Joe-mazement. Remember, these two are a unit.  We are getting two for the price of one; the question is, who is paying the price? Jill is a smart, powerful woman; Donald Trump was a lout.

Two journalistic agendas for the price of one!

Meanwhile, countless editorials began marking the first 100 days of the Biden administration, many expressing surprised relief over how much was getting done, how much legitimately helpful policy was moving through the system, how little drama, how few flubs or fumbles or ugly fights. Joe Biden is boring—and that’s not a complaint. One day, I asked Dr. Biden about the mood of the country. “During the campaign, I felt so much anxiety from people; they were scared,” she told me. “When I travel around the country now, I feel as though people can breathe again. I think that’s part of the reason Joe was elected. People wanted someone to come in and heal this nation, not just from the pandemic, which I feel Joe did by, you know, getting shots in everybody’s arms. But also…he’s just a calmer president. He lowers the temperature.”

Part of what makes the Bidens’ right-out-of-the-gate successes so extraordinary is that they seem to have perfectly read the room: We have been through this enormous, collective trauma, and here’s a calm, experienced, empathetic president, and here’s a first lady who is driven, tireless, effortlessly popular, but also someone who reminds us of ourselves. She’s selling a new vision for how our most fundamental institutions ought to work—infrastructure, education, public health—even as she goes to extraordinary lengths to keep a real-world job, to stay in touch with what makes her human and what matters most.

Boring is one way to spin comatose.

Joe Biden is inhumanely boring and that’s because he stands for the consumerist capitalist mainstream nothingness that feeds the pharmaceutical-college-food industrial complex that circulates in the United States like its own COVID, pilfering and sapping citizens of their options, rights and autonomy. If the option to this boring Biden claptrap is Trump, tension and dissent, give me the drama.

Nothing changes without tension; nothing progresses with static Biden-ness.

In all fairness, it’s not all dull. Joe and Jill do climb up the hill and get romantic.  Or used to.

I ask if becoming president and first lady affected their marriage. “Yeah, it has,” he says, and an almost pained expression crosses his face. “I miss her. I’m really proud of her. But it’s not like we can just go off like we used to. When we were living in Delaware and married, once a month we’d just go up to a local bed-and-breakfast by ourselves, to make sure we had a romantic time to just get away and hang out with each other.”

Bleh. I’m not so sure my mind’s eye can tolerate such visions.  At least it beats the boring self-congratulatory recursive back-patting the media entertains us within the realm of Joe-and-Jill’s eminent blandness and perpetuation of a dead American system.

“But all kidding aside, that’s part of the problem. You can’t. I’m not complaining. It’s part of the deal. But this life prevents it.” He looks at Jill. “It’s just harder. Don’t you think that’s right?”

Yeah, that’s what she said.

 


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