Penzeys Spices: bringing Woke to your rack

I have a spice peddler and his name is Bill. Bill brews up vivid spices which accelerate the gastronomic depths of any recipe.  Unfortunately, nothing of quality is cheap. Needless to say, my monthly stipend for Penzeys Spices plays out as an annual outing when I have extra loot to burn. Things like salt and pepper and garlic powder are spice commodities for my humble rack and they can be bought anywhere. Once I elevate the exotic quotient of a recipe, it’s time for Penzeys. What’s that, you say? Curry, Epazote, Fenugreek…Penzeys will have deep selections.

I don’t know what Bill looks like, but I have my stereotyped suspicions.  I do know he’s ultra Liberal and uses his store mailing list to spew his politics at his emailed captives, even those disinclined to care or agree. Bill turned up the hyperbole during last year’s election and for a while I thought Penzeys had become a front for the DNC.  But Bill is just an archetypal White guilt-ridden bleeding heart caricature of a…bleeding heart liberal.

Granola, take cover! This is as far left as you can veer without tumbling off the precipice into the ravine of mega-Wokeness.

Luckily, I am in possession of a stupendous ability to tune out blather and annoyance. To a fault. Perhaps I should invest more of a stake in the real world than I do. My indifference comes at a cost, but there is a great benefit when one can tolerate opposition.

What follows is a randomly selected compilation of liberal nonsense from my spice peddler’s electronic mailers which have infiltrated my inbox for months.  I’ve failed to be affected, unlike some of his other Conservative customers (spices are not the sole extravagance of the Left).

7/15/20
We the People been more ready to embrace America’s never-ending Revolution for equality. So much gets routinely portrayed as big, huge, and impactful, but pretty much no event in our lifetimes comes close to this moment where a super majority of Americans, even white Americans, are finally willing to admit to the inherent racism within our country. What we are experiencing right now is honestly monumental. Rejoice!

Today you are still more than free to go ahead and livestream yourself explaining to America’s minority community why you support the president’s embrace of the Confederate flag. But where once this kind of thing would open doors for you, now it just means a visit from HR and security with a box to pack your things. That racism now is at that tipping point where it no longer cancels those it is directed towards but instead cancels those creating it may well live in the history books right next to July 4, 1776 and the Emancipation Proclamation. Or it may come before either. These are good times.

8/10/20
Who knows where all this will lead, but I think it’s important to remember that the target of Russian interference was never America’s liberal values. Look pretty much anywhere and everywhere and America’s liberal values are flourishing. And as much as there is a civil war narrative used to describe America today I also think it’s worth noting that as those who identify as conservatives have turned away from their traditional values in support of this president, the left has not cheered them on but have instead redoubled their efforts to keep the values of honesty, family, and integrity alive. That’s kind of cool.

9/27/20
We all owe so much to the protestors who, through their determination and sheer strength of numbers, have managed to get the gears of civil rights finally turning again for the first time in fifty years. Still, as we’ve seen in this past week, one of our biggest obstacles we face, possibly the biggest, is that our institutions are built on white bro culture and when it comes to so many issues white bro culture is pretty dysfunctional. It’s that culture that has our politics functioning on a no harm, no foul mentality.

10/23/20
This election, like none before it, will define who each of us is like no other event in our lifetimes. You voting is hugely important, but even more important is speaking out about the importance of voting with everybody you know, especially those who voted for this president last time. For those 63 million Americans who voted for him, even though he offered nothing other than blaming our nation’s troubles on minorities, here may be the last chance for redeeming their souls.

11/2/20
As a Cook you care. For these past four years Republicans with their “snowflake” taunts, “F… Your Feelings” Trump t-shirts, and endless desire for liberal tears have tried their best to get you to believe your caring is just weakness. If you gave up as they wanted, tomorrow would be a very scary day. But instead, on the eve of the election the Republicans are down massively in every single national poll. It takes strength to stand up to bullies. Your continuing to care has made all the difference. It looks like you’ve saved America.

1/8/21
As we witnessed this Wednesday, Republican lies about the legitimacy of November’s election have brought our nation to the brink. There’s a very good probability that not all of Wednesday’s events were actually spontaneous, and that a whole lot of what we saw was crafted. History is full of what at first appeared to be failed coups that turned out to be dry runs for future success. It’s time to be done believing there is some sort of politeness in failing to call out the lies of those who would do our country harm. In this moment the stakes are far too high to be silent.

I feel like I need a brisk, hot disinfecting shower now and my Boo-Hoo Gauge is jammed from excessive use after reading these.  How much contentious Lefty slime-balling can I tolerate and be expected to remain sane?  I suppose I could unsubscribe from the mailing list, but I am a man who loves catharsis. If you have any doubts, just read this blog.  Catharsis is my addiction.  I seek it and wallow in the repulsion.

Today, a predictable spice droplet appeared in my inbox.  It included a very brief, amusing video by a Panzeys naysayer and customer.

So many decent emails in response to the not so decent customer video we shared yesterday. If you still have doubts about the mindset of those who oppose Black Lives Matter it’s an educational 13 seconds. In some ways it’s like the end of a Scooby Doo episode where the authorities pull off the mask and the villain gets exposed for who they really are. Or it would be like that if Scooby Doo endings had the f-word in them. But seriously, if you or someone you love has ever been on the receiving end of the anger that keeps inequality alive, please give viewing this a hard pass. You don’t need to relive that. Hugs.

And enough already with falsely claiming Black Lives Matter is some sort of “Marxist Organization.” Please, no more emails pretending your objection to BLM isn’t about your racism but is instead rooted in your deeply held convictions about 19th century economic philosophers. And no, one person involved with BLM mentioning Karl Marx one time five years ago doesn’t make BLM some sort of “Marxist Organization” any more than a person saying the word “Texas” once every five years makes them a Texan. No more nonsense. Racism hurts people’s lives. It’s time to be done with it.

There is too much smug virtuosity here and the sanctimonious goo is tarpit level.

By the way, Bill, BLM’s Socialist (or whatever other Leftist label you want) tendencies don’t seem that spurious if you listen to Alicia Garza or any of the other revolution-minded critical race theorists who use BLM as a vehicle of upheaval and implementation of their racialist agenda across the swath of America which by and large doesn’t give a crap. Most people simply do not care about race as much as these preachers of a non-racial society. I don’t like BLM because it diverts attention from where it needs to be focused which is betterment and true empowerment, not enslavement to grievance.  In other words, it reiterates hate and hopelessness in narcotic terms.

If intolerance of opportunism and bottom-dwelling causes makes me a racist, oh well, call me what you want.

I’ll still buy Vindaloo off you twats.

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